free.

[The Quad: DePaul University. Chicago, Illinois.]

As the buzz began to fade and the music died down, the reality of the words started to sink in. Slowly, the euphoric high was burning out into a heavy and numb feeling of low.

Luckily, my head hit the pillow just before the sadness had the chance to take over.

The words I've been waiting to hear for so long have finally been said. All those times I cried and begged to hear them, never actually wanting to feel the pain of what they would mean--and here they are. To say I didn't feel pain would be a lie. But when I woke up this morning, I was surprised to feel a sort of hopeful optimism and freedom.

While walking to class through the quad, I took the picture you see above. Seeing the sun shine through the trees and the newly-bloomed flowers, I smiled for the day. No matter what happens, there is always going to be a new day. Without you, there is still a new day.

I will always love you. Whether that means I am "in love" or just love and care for you as a person, that love will stay. And maybe when we are both ready for it, the "in love" could be once again. But for now, it's time to let go.

So I must say, thank you--I will heal. And I will find love again. Not my true love, that is you. But I will find happiness. [Thanks to a little help from Le Love blog].

Will that happiness come from the incredible support system I have around me?
Will it come from seeing the world?
Will it come from you again on some faraway day?
I have no idea--but I'm excited to find out. Already, I am happy to finally be able to truly explore my life with no guilt. For the first time in nearly six years, I just get to do this for me. I am free.

Am I afraid? Hell yeah.
But can I do it? You fucking know it.

Thank you for setting me free.

airplanes.

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
i could really use a wish right now
wish right now
wish right now...