one fish, two fish PART ONE (days 1-3)

Well, it certainly has been a while.

I really thought I would be better at this, but seeing as how Weeds and hanging out with people have taken over my life, writing has kind of been on the back-burner.

Wish I could say school work has been evading as well, but let's be honest, I never really do much work. Finals are coming up soon though and Australia school is a bit harder for me than America school so I may have to put in some real effort here pretty soon.

Enough about school though. I do have quite a bit of back-tracking to do...I haven't written

about any experiences since Darwin which was nearly 2 months ago. I am awful. Rather than going back in chronological order, I'm skipping ahead to the good stuff: ONE FISH, TWO FISH. Broken Hill can wait.

Seeing as how this was the best vacation I've ever taken in my life, the adventure known as One Fish, Two Fish will probably require a few entries. For now, I will take you back to where it all began...

WARNING: The following material may not be suitable for family members (especially great-grandparents). Although I love you dearly. x

DAY ONE Thursday, September 23: Annaelle and I sleepily dialed each other around 4 am to make sure the other stopped pressing snooze and actually got out of bed to meet the magical taxi man who would take us away to our 10 day vacation of madness and insanity. Arriving in Brisbane at mid-morning, we decided to explore the city and see what it had to offer. We couldn't get over how touristy the city was and couldn't imagine going to uni where there would constantly be that many people. Would definitely do way less work then is already done. The weather wasn't great so our dreams of napping on the beach were pretty much diminished, but we had a good time getting lost and finding random landmarks like the government house

and this gorgeous courtyard. After a bit of shopping and a delicious lunch at the Rainbow cafe, we were able to check into our hostel and crashed out for a few hours--well a lot of hours. Way more than planned. Waking up, we realized our friends should've gotten there hours before so we were extremely confused and a bit worried. To distract us from our worries, we showered, got ready and decided it would probably be best to start in on the goon. Frenchie was missing in action for a few weeks before holiday so I had an amazing time catching up with her and having a little one-on-one time. We finally heard back from everyone and it turns out their flight had been delayed by a few hours. Listening to the overly repeated 10 songs on Annaelle's phone, we kept on the goon and awaited their arrival. Sammy and Dais joined us for a bit of gooning and we were off to the first club. By that time all of the Monash kids had arrived and met up with some of the Brits who were road-tripping from Brisbane up to Sydney and had some drinks. Louise had free drink cards that she kept passing out so that turned into a lot of drinks.

Pretty much the night progressed with me and Zahra entering some sort of musical chairs

contest up on stage. I'll let this excerpt from Kenzie's blog explain how that went down...

"...as the music stopped, they needed to complete a task ranging from finding something long and hard, finding something canadian, finding a condom and putting it on their hand, and best of all, finding a thong and holding it up in the air. This is where Amanda's flashing came to play... she was wearing a dress and of course we wanted to win, so we got her thong which ripped on the way off and left her somewhat exposed for the rest of the night."

Well, pretty much got kicked out of that place so Daisy and I found ourselves at another club. Didn't stay there long and wound up wandering down the street until we ran into some Loyolans at a nice outdoor bar called Joe's. The fresh air sobered us up a bit while a cider kept us feeling head hazy and we enjoyed some nice bantering and excited chattering over the warm weather.Daisy and I staggered back to the hostel where she got a nice show--"Do you like it? ;)--and it was time to hit the bunk-beds.

DAY TWO Friday, September 24: First actual day of the tour! Feeling a bit hung over, we rolled out of bed and maxi-ed over to where our tour guides were meeting us. Right away I knew this was going to be a fucking awesome trip. The tour guides, Dan, Doggie and Mike were cracking jokes the moment we walked on the bus and they kept repeating how they were going to make sure the next week and a half would be one of the best times of our lives. Oh how right they were... We also met our bus driver Johnny who I formed a very special bond with over the trip. Good bloke. After all the introductory stuff, the guys pulled out what would become

a source of complete and utter embarrassment to me for the duration of the trip, but in

a brilliant and hysterical way: THE SIN-TIN. The Sin-Tin goes a little something like this...Whenever one does anything particularly shameful, embarrassing, hilarious or downright stupid while wasted, that said person has to contribute a sum of money as a payment for their sin. Next, of course, the tour guides asked if anyone had done anything Sin-Tin worthy the night before and a chorus of nearly half the bus screamed my name. Already the trip was off to a great start. Although I had to pay for my sins, I was also introduced to what would instill great pride for me and my fellow shit-shows and I was asked to wear the Leader's Jersey.

Proudly I took the brightly colored yellow and green shirt and put it on in honor of everything despicable and schwasty. As if it were Christmas morning, the tour guides pulled out yet another surprise for us. This time it was a large, inflatable boxing kangaroo of our very own. After we all signed it, we decided on the name of Cuntaroo and Baby Cooter for his baby. While someone had drawn a big, black dick on him, many people thought his name should be Tyrone so I think our roo had a confused identity between Cuntaroo and Tyrone for most of the trip. Regardless of his name, we were told that we were to protect him with our lives and take him everywhere we went. The two other One Fish, Two Fish groups would be trying to capture him and behead him and we were meant to be doing the same to their kangaroo. This meant war.

Suited up in my leader's armor, we crossed over unknown territory into the Australia Zoo. Dedicated to Steve Irwin, the zoo invoked feelings of sadness that he is no longer with us. His wife and two kids put on quite a show with crocodiles and obnoxious singing, but it just

wasn't what it would have been if good ol' Steve could have been there. RIP Steve Irwin. This was definitely one of the major highlights of the trip. I got to hold a koala (although my photo would later get ruined due to something wet landing on top of it in my suitcase...lame) and spoon with kangaroos! I could have done this for hours. There were like 50 of them hopping all over the place and lounging around. You could walk right up to them and pet them or lay with them. So soft, cute and cuddly! Everyone kept trying to get me to hurry up so we could see other stuff, but I just never wanted to leave those roos.

Wrapping up at the zoo, we boarded the bus and stopped off at a pub to get the first drinks of the trip going. We grabbed a cider, hit the liquor store and loaded up on all sorts of goon, cider and boxed vodka-cranberry. Fabulous invention. That's when shit got crazy.

Slapping the goon, we got a bit silly. Dynamite by Taio Cruz was chosen as our trip song and the absolute shit-show was off to a start. Screw sleep, drinking was the name of the game for this vacation. As the drink set in, protests for a bathroom break were echoed throughout the bus.

You may think that only boys are allowed to pee outside, but this particular rest stop proved that idea to be very wrong.

Pulling over in the middle of Nowheresville, Australia, we all had quite the bonding experience pissing, squatting, and of course taking pictures of each other doing said activities. Back on the bus, we continued the rest of the way to Hervey Bay. Raging on, Rhys christened the bus with vomit and we stumbled to our rooms (or in Mary's case, she fell over in the middle of everyone, brought her stuff into one room and ended up sleeping somewhere completely different because she couldn't find her original room). Great times.

As if we hadn't already consumed enough alcohol, we had just enough time to set our stuff down, change and then it was off to the booze cruise. Rhys vomited yet again (in the exact same spot as before) and spent the night drinking water rather than the free beer and wine. However, the rest of us consumed disgusting amounts and a lot of the night blurred on from there.

A mandatory Daisy and Amanda photo shoot took place.

I was up in the Captain's area for a while pretending to drive the boat--probably not the safest idea. And I even made myself an 18

year old boyfriend who was working at the bar. We went back to the hostel and the party continued. I guess I jumped in the pool with the Leader's Jersey because I woke up with it soaking wet on the floor of

the Loyolan's room. This is also where I found myself passed out on a random bed by myself in my bathing suit and a sweatshirt around 6 am. Realizing I was very close to my own room, I staggered down the stairs and Daisy let me in. After recapping the night and giggling uncontrollably (waking everyone else up of course--ANNAELLE: "Shh, eeet's not time yet!"), I remembered the following: Ernie and Chris showering together, running around topless, going to the pool, being prank-called by my own cell phone and attempting to go to Sydney to retrieve it, making up and performing If You're from California, I Wanna Bone Ya, I'll Never Phone Ya with the tour guides, and actually semi-assaulting Hannah and Morgan. Morgan recounts the fabulous experience in her blog when she she states,

"Babygurl stormed in at some point and actually sexually assaulted me. She was nude and strattled me while I screamed rape. Oh BBG."

She liked it.

DAY THREE Saturday, September 25: After giggling the morning away, the tour guides came to wake us up and we departed for a ferry ride that would take us to Fraser Island. The weather wasn't looking to great so we were all feeling a bit discouraged. Day 3 and still no sun? What kind of vacation is this? It was even more disheartening when w

e got to the beautiful Lake McKenzie, which is meant to be one of the most beautiful beaches in the world, but the rain was really discouraging us. But being the troopers that we are, we obviously didn't let it bring us down for long. We still dove into the water and spent a few hours exploring the little island. Daisy, Annaelle, Dan and I even trekked through a jungle wilderness to get to another area and Annaelle revealed one of the most hilarious stories I've ever heard

in my life. Let's just say, I've got to keep that one buried... We had a nice buffet lunch at a hotel down the road and then went on a gorgeous off-road drive over a beach that they referred to as a highway. The ocean crashed along on the side and the bus expertly drove over the squishy, brown sand. The rain actually made the scenery more alluring and caused the water to be more violent, which was cool to see inside the warm, dry bus. Me and Dais had a pretty nice soundtrack on her pod that added to the whole experience. We stopped and saw a shipwreck, a fresh water creek, penis trees and the this adorable little girl who was kissing and hugging Cuntaroo. Luckily the family didn't speak very good English, so I don't think they understood the profane language and dirty things written all over it. After many photos, we headed back to the hostel where we showered, ate, loaded up on liquor and got ready for the dreaded 12 hour bus ride to Airlie Beach.

MORE TO COME LATER! :)